Fatal Mistake

Today 1am-till now is a terrible time for me...
well something to be happy about,i found my favourite song...
in my blog you can hear it...:)
i wanted to give this song to her...every single words to her...

请让我靠近你轻轻对你说
别让我每个夜为你受折磨
是多么不容易才默默放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
别让我因为你被回忆折磨
而空气凝结了我们的脸孔
我别无选择

就算我们之间有什么问题
依然想念着你
虽然被放弃
虽然我愿意

就算我们之间有什么难题
黑夜我还想着你
心碎人孤寂
虽然我愿意
(心还想着你)

再让我靠近你轻轻对你说
当我说我要你从此好好过
是真的否则我怎么肯放手

为了我就当作这次为了我
赐给我你现在幸福的笑容
别让恨冻结了我们的脸孔
请你做选择

This moment she told me she will cherish me more n ask me not to leave her ever again...the next moment she say she nv wan to see me again and get the shit out of her life...i am hurt upset...dunno wat to say...but well i cried much more enough...
the feeling is great when u could cry everything out.she still say i even cry more den she do...yar so?...anyway yup i cried for many things...for my work i lost faith in myself...for my family...they so worry about my health and for my friend...she just dun seem to understand and mainly for my grandma...

yes it's just a dream but she's gone and it's the fact...n that dream is too real...just like i just saw her...i'm wearing wat i'm wearing,she shouted at me...'ah jin ah jin'...i cried badly...she told me she is unhappy she tears she's upset and she never want to leave...she cannot let go...yar everyone say it's just a dream but hell...she's my grandma...wat if she reali trying to tell me just like she came into my dream to tell me she leaving and the next moment she announced dead...
don't you guys understand how i feel...she my most beloved person...n she only go for 4 mths plus...why cant i breakdown n cry for her???WHY CANT I????i m a human...
i'm not a CROWN ALWAYS...u understand?i m tired....tired going around pleasing ppl and make myself like a FUCKING FOOL!

i cried so badly about an hour infront of my ex-gf...she wipe away the tears for me consoling me all the way...she told me everything be fine...i feel comfort...and i told her that all along i loved her...but i'm really happy she with her gf now coz her gf is great one to keep.i told her that i somehow love *her too but she just dun understand me...i rather she keep quiet when i cried and hug me telling me things be fine...i rather she do that then to use hard way on me which end up hurting me even more pouring salt into my wound!

i reali hope *she will understand me...i really want an eternal life with her...but seem like it's just so impossible...her thinking n my thinking crushes BADLY.i childish??
come-on...i am seriously ill...do u know tat?later i going to doc appt...doc will tok to me and make me understand my condition...i know wat he going to say...dun drink dun smoke as usual...i will try as hard as i could...coz i know myself...my health realy protesting to me already.
i never reply cause m too weak to say anything...reali too weak...and why i can still go online???cause blogging peace my heart...if i reply i wun had a pleasing ans frm u n end up we might qurrel or u will say things that hurt my heart again so wat for...i rather remain quiet for some moment.

tml is fri not sure i can go to my usual hangout...big possibility no...
my health saying no to me...anyway shall see....

nana say now i rather go there den to let her know my problem...is not that i dun wan to say...is my soul seem like closing the door for everyone...in a mess....in a mess...

CHill...i cant...relax...i can't....my heart feeling so tight...my mind so confuse...
i just wana cry ........ keep on tearing all my pain out..... dun hide inside.....
bleedin inside is much more painful then tearing thru eyes.

* Would u still love me tomolo? u keep give me the feeling i will lost u...can u give me the feeling that i will never lost u...