Have you ever?

Blogging reali is an ease for my mind...
that's why i love to blog...only my blog understand n listen to me thou it didn't response...:(

Have you ever had a mix feeling that you couldn't explain?
i am confused...very and this lead to my sadness...
i dunno why...whenever i think of her & her i totally mix up...
it's hard for me...it is...
everyone say i should just let it go or dun see her again...but...
she is all over my mind...she took away my soul to live...
n yet this feeling i cldn't make it known to her...
i envy all the girls who had the courage to express out how they feel...
i can't...i just can't...
n it's hard for me to fall for someone and when i reali did...
i find it real hard to get that someone out of my mind...
after i lost her totally i realize...actually i loved her from the beginning...
after all i did for her why i didn't even realize that i already fall for her that's why i do all that for her and not becoz of her body...
i'm useless...i din know wat to do but to wait for time to cure the sickness i had now for me...
we are not meant to be...even thou fate is there...but we are only fated to be friends...and not more than that....i should know...
but uncontrollably i fallen for her...which i shouldn't...
our misunderstanding sink into the deepest ocean....and it's near to impossible to clear it up...i should give up...
but infact my heart din...............coz i reali love u.................
i can't even bear to see u getting hurt....i can't even bear to hate you...
m i useless? i tried again n again n i failed again n again....
i'm in a mess...my heart....for u & her....

the past grip me so tight...it just wun let me go...
but i know as time goes by i will be fine...

i always so mess up...
but i'm so clear that i want to hug u real tight...no reason...just wana hug u real tight......n here....only here i can find the courage to say ' i love you'....but i will still let u go...let u do watever u wan in ur life...be with anyone u want to be....i am no one to control this....i can't....but i will find a way for my heart to let you go.............................. .... ... ...
cause i never want to tear for you again...

----------my life story will go on n on...till i no longer able to write.

I just get to know my friend pass away...
god...she ONLY 23 this year!!!!!!
my whole heart sank when i know this news...
suddenly my heart are so so so heavy...
am i next?????
i can't i have to take care of my mum & dad... :(
i use to think die can solve all issue...but wat will happen to my mum n dad if i go???
i just dunno how to take good care of myself.
i'm numb of words...
God give me more time........

---------------------------too upset!!!!!

I pray for you ...may u rest in peace....n be happy up above...no longer be so sad about life... ~thinking of you...

My head so so pain....god no more...no more taking anyone away from me PLS!!!!!!

*Will you miss me if i no longer around? Will you even remember me?