I can't find my way to rainbow!

After rain u will see rainbow?
Not all the time...
Sometime u will find that the rain just couldn't stop...
I know what's my mind is thinkin...
no one know but i know...
all alone here...
now my eyes are red...
rub until red becoz eyes very itchy...
cough is killing me slowly...
i guess i smoke too much...
when i got nothing to do i will just smoke n smoke...
my money running out...
i have to find ways n means to get some money...
haix...life is hard...but i have to go on...
alotz of things for me to worry...
I think health will fail me sooner or later...
maybe i dunno how to take good care of myself...
i hardly close my eyes n sleep...
everyday is a torture to me...

* I got so much thing to say to u...
how i wish i cld see u rit now...
y suddenly i feel that we drag dramatically...
It's faded...
everything is truly faded...
including the hope...the wish...i have for us...
memories means nothing to u...
i mean nothing to u...
wat can i do if u dun even care?
It's not within my choice anymore~

__I feel I am born to be alone...I hope only for now!__