Escaping from the pain

In few hours time i be leaving singapore with my gf and xiaohuang!

Finally can leave my home. Don't wish to face my parent. They might not know what had happened between us so i let it out here. Few days ago they say something really really hurtful to me. I know they loved me but not as much as my sister especially my dad. He always find me useless and will never able to support him. I know what i want i know my dream. He never support me in any decision i make. whereas for my sis, he always listen to her. My advice to him not to play too much in stock market cause now is not stable but he won't listen and even qurrel with me over this. Although i have my fall but i never really used his money.All is my saving even we go gamble also use my own money thou i not working already.My room cost me 5000 over and every single thing in my room i use my own money. Why can't he see after i graduated age 21 onwards, i trying very hard not to use his money already, only the 2008 fall and in year 2009 i start to use his money,this last for nearly a year,i can't remember unless i see my book cause i record down everything!!! and i mean every single cents i use from him i record down after my age 21.This is what i owe him and will return when i have the ability which i did before i jobless for few months,i returned him quite a sum of money.I will continue to return him when i have the money until it all clear. He always thought i after his money,this is what he make me feel but i never thought of that before. I will depend on myself. He make me feel sooooo bad this few day.so i decided to get away for awhile and hope when i'm back,everything will be alright.

I feel myself already powerful i so poor not working but depend on my saving alone i manage to support me myself,my xiaohuang and my gf. I know my saving depleting and so i have to think of ways to recover my saving and save even more money. Hopefully i can faster find a shop space and my shop will be a success if not i think not only eat grass,i will go into real depress cause my dad will sure say me again or in fact everyone will be saying me.

I hope i can see rainbow soon. When i very depressed, i saw him in darkness. He said to me "I heard you when u shouted for me,my child all this while i've been looking after u,if not i won't pick you up whenever u fall.I grant u a life,a life that nobody can take away from u except me but i not doing that because i know what u wanted to acheive in your life and what u ever wanted.I believe in you just like how much u believed in me whenever u shout for me in pain.It's not time yet but you are on the right track.Don't be affected by all the negativeness around you,don't put yourself down because of what other ppl said or think.I created u with a golden heart.Promise me my child,when u get wat u longed for,well keep that golden heart of yours for ppl with the heart of gold den deserve the best.Don't give up searching for the door to the rainbow for you are getting nearer and nearer towards that door.Am here with you,you are not alone,all the way i'll be there for you.All those failure i make u go through is not to dishearten you but to make u stronger.Only stronger person who never give up through all the obstacles in life survive through all the challenges in life and eventually shall get what they ever wanted in their life.Trust me and yourself, you are one of them."

He appear in my dream but no one believe me,not even my parent.They still think i am useless and will fail. Although i don't really know which god is that but i know god are all the same, all from heaven and blessing all of us (the earth) from above. I sincerely believe god exist and always pray to them and also they always in my heart.

God i take your advice, please assist me to the route to success as soon as possible. I can't wait to provide for my family, i can't wait to be a useful person and i can't wait to share my happiness.

Love you God. Deeply respected by me.

*Dad and mum and my family members,i do still love you all cause i know no matter what happened, we are blood related.This is the fact and nothing change this.

Jin Yong