So long...

It been so long since i blog...
no time...
everyday busy talking to her...
i was wondering who deleted my blog on my fridae...
i wrote about the comparision between her and *her...
nevermind!
i never lie to my blog so i will blog sincerely no matter who read it.

*she seem further and further to me unknowingly...
i try to bring in our distance...
i did try cause i never thought of betraying the one i love...
but to no reveal...
*she just so far apart...
and seem like i could never get close to *her again...
it's not excuse...
i wonder do i really know *her?
i didn't know...
if in the past whatever *she does can hurt me deep...
but now...
i am so numbed...
really nothing i could say anymore...
it's *her life...not mine...
whatever *she want to do go ahead to do it...
maybe we are really not meant to be...
our distance is just so far...
much more far now then ever...
especially when she appear...

she let me realize that why should i be such a fool...
look into the future and not the past...
it's her life also...not mine...
she can do whatever she want too...
cause both are not yet my gf...
but she respect me...
she ask for an answer...
she act upon it...
she is sincere towards me...
i can feel it...
she feel so jealous when she read my blog...
i can feel it too...
i meant something to her and i know...
directly we told each other we like each other...
but nothing between us yet...
i need time...
we need time to sort things out...
she know about my *her...

in a relationship can be real tired...
because often the one meant so much to u until you can't breath...
but what is all the barrier as long as you believe?
why can't we just believe that...yes there's a wall between us but let's us make the wall become invisable...
if we can apply all this...
doesn't love become so beautiful?...

I told her straight out that i am not a healthy person...
i am sick...
and i am someone on and off under medicational care...
cause i think there's nothing to hide...
especially someone who going to be the one soon...
i think i mustn't hide anything...
i am frank and honest at least in love...

sorry...
if you read this and you feel hurt somehow...
i rather give you this little feeling of hurt then to lie to you...

my feeling is straight out...
when i am so tired...
when i wanted to give up so much...
u appear and show me what is love once again...
your tenderness care...
your jealousy...
your angryness...
your understanding...
your not understanding...
your sadness...
your tears...
your courage...
all mean that i am something to u...

I have to give up one to focus on one...like how u did it...because i never believe to love two person at the same time...

it always take two hand to clap...
if i am acting alone...
wat for?
i mine as well give up...
and focus on someone who clap with me...

*IF i finally decide to put my whole heart with you...please believe me...i don't want us to qurrel for someone who never there...i don't want anyone to be able to hurt u...hurt us...hurt our love eventually...