Chapter 1 of my life : Without YOU(MOST precious entry of ALL)

Without yOu...i live in the darkness of this world...i'll be right here waiting for u forever!

keke...i love my blog more n more...i blogged almost everyday now coz i am in love with the changes of my blog everyday...no matter entries or the blog itself...hehez...oh ya i've been trying to improve my blog in one way or another...the changes might be too small to be seen or ppl wun notice it but...i can see it myself...hehez...i just simply love it...hohoho...Somehow blogging make me alive!...haha...doesn't mean tt i'm dead at all time...only half-dead...haha

Superstar :

Ytd kelvin sing de song...really touched my heart...'walk out of the darkness'...this is a motivation song for me...thou i'm quite contented with my life now but happen if i m down...this shall be the song...erm...i m finding for this song n the song junyang sang...'yi wang guo qu'...if anione find it let me noe...advance thank u...hohoho...i hope today kelvin can successfully go to the male grand final...hehez...JIAYOU!As for the female contestants...i know the result liao...haix not very happy coz kelly lose to sin huey...haix...nvm shall see her performance tonight...maybe the expectation the judges have for her too high le n when she did not perform as well...they will give her low marks...but aniway kelly JIAYOU!...see u in grand final k?!Shall continue tml about female contestants after seeing their performance and will comment on the result after seeing the result show tonit..

Today topic :

The song below is the song i love so much since the year 1999.I can't find the male version so i display the female version(i always listen to male version).It say all about me and *her.

The story(The story below might be true and might not be true...just think watever u think it is...=>)...heR and mE

Everytime we qurrel, this song seem to be the best to describe my feeling.It was a young and naive love...but yet so strong and true.Everyone think that it's so drama...indeed it is but this is wat happening in real life to me & her.We fall in love at the age of 13 and that time she was 16 living with her sis...parent in america...she older den me 3 years and at that time...she was the one who i keep called her 'jie jie'...nv tot tt it so true tt one day...she become my baby but not 'jie jie' animore.No one realize about our relationship coz in many eyes is wrong...my parents thought we were just best frenz.Her dream is to be a lawyer whereas mine is to be a police so that i cld protect her...protect my family and the country.

The beginning of our love...

That day...i clearly remember when she asked me...

her: Do u noe wat is love?
me: of coz la...when u like someone wan to be with her is love lor...

At that time...i like a ger...her netball skill was great...and i asked her...

me: Hey got a ger...she older den me 2 years...her netball skill good leh i like to watch her play netball...so is this call love?
her: huh?i dun think so...maybe u just admire her.
me : orh...
her : Can i hold ur hand whenever u with me?
me : Yes of coz la...so that i wun get lose also...keke

From then on...everytime we see each other we hold hand...she was slightly taller den me tt time...i feel secure with her...she is very clever...she often help me in my sch work...only our frenz keep teasing us tt we r together and infact no other noe about me n her...everything so peaceful and innocent...all we need is to stay by each other side...holding hand n walk together...we tok anithing under the sun...under the moon...mostly sch work...but whenever she cry...something just not rit...i hate to see her stress up or see her cry...one day...

her : got a guy like me
me : huh?who?i noe him?
her : yar...jw...
me : oh...den? (pardon i was very innocent tt time)
her : but i told him i got someone else in my heart le...he asked me who...
me : oh...u mean u got like someone le huh?
her : yes
me : den u like him?
her : no i dun like anione but only ta
me : oh...who is de 'ta'?
her : arn't we together now?we always hold hand din we?
me : oh yes...den wat u mean?u mean u like me isit?
her : yes...i always been loving u...since young
me : i like u also but i like sy also leh...how?
her : u want to be with her?
me : no la nv think of that...just wan to see her everyday play netball.
her : haix

I know deep inside...she want to be my gf...someone more den frenz more den anithing else but i m too young that time n i m scare...dun even noe wat this road will lead me too...i tell no one about this...oni she n me noe...but few months later...we went to a beach with some other friends...

1st frenz: Hey why not we play a trick on the sweet couple
others: what u r up to?
1st frenz: See how much the future lawyer love the future police la
2nd frenz: Erm...how u wan to test it out?
1st frenz: I know sam dun really noe how to swim de.den later we trick her swim far far until cannot reach.
3rd frenz: hey this is not funni k?wat if she realli drown?
1st frenz: wun la...her baby so good in swimming...drown also got her save her mahz...
2nd frenz: den also cannot test out sam love for y wat.
others: yar lor
1st frenz: aiya we test y first la...sam dun need la...she so young noe love meh?
others: ok

i guess this is wat their conversation is about...den yes i being tricked and almost drown...she save me...yes she save my life!From den on i realize how much i mean to her...tt day was still drizzling...but she dun care about her own safety...went all the way towards the sea to save me...in the bus(holding hand)...

her: r u ok now?feelin better?
me: yes...thanks for saving me...if not i think i go see 'yen nuo wang le'.
her: haha u will not...i will always be by ur side
me: me too i dun wan u to leave me.
her: sam...
me: yes?
her: so u are my gf and i m yours ok?
me: ok...but dun tell anione k?
her: (smile)ok!

Her smile is captivating...it is the nicer smile i ever seen...till now...i believe her smile is still the best...but...i can nv see it again...we r together!Yes in the year 1997 ard june...we walked into each other life...and we thought this cld be forever love...but...

The obstacles begin...

We will so into each other till toward the netballer...i just admire and thou everyone in my class thought i realli like sy but no...i m realli very into her...the love of my life...my very very first love!I wan to protect her from harm...but heaven make me a coward...soon at the year 1998 her parent found out about us...she told me with tears in her eyes...

her: sam my mum found out...she call me ytd she ask me to leave u...
me: huh?how she noe?
her: her frenz happen to see us holding hand and she told her over phone...
me: wao lao...why her fren so kpo de?but like tt say den she believe her frenz meh?
her: No...after that she check on me...n found out herself...
me: huh?ur mum so scary...so far away can check on u?
her: wat m i going to do?
me: u dun scare k...i wun leave u de...
her: but...wat if my parent told ur parent?
me: (after hearing this...i got scared...my jaw locked...) ar...
her: are u afraid tt ur parent will find out too?
me: erm...yes pls dun tell them...they wun accept...

In this point of time...she just keep quiet n weep!I consoled her and give her tissue but nothing seem to ease her pain...we kept quiet about it...i ask her to lie to her mum tt we seperated...of coz the time for us to see each other lessen and also we must be very caution when we with each other...for the next few months we have been like this...her sister noe about us but din really bother coz she say as long as we love each other she wun care much...n ya her sis is much more older den she is.My decision make thing worse.Her sis and me tok den i asked her sis to plead with her mum to let us be together but i noe at tt time i m too naive n thought by pleading this wld work...but no...her sis say to me tt their parent wun accept no matter wat but she will try toking to her parent.coz i m tired...tired of such a relationship...becoz guiltiness grab me.I wan to tell someone about it but i cant...no one is suppose to noe...coz me n her agree in that...i cant realli remember when...but i guess is ard end of 1998...her parent come back!her parent m back coz her sis tok to them n dey...

Her parent back in singapore stopping us...

We had a tok over the phone...here the conversation goes...

her: my parent come back le
me: why they suddenly come back?thought they very bz in US de?
her: they told me to leave u and my dad was very angry with me.He threaten to use force on u.
me: Use force on me?wat he mean?wan to beat me up?den beat lor i den not scare.(i oni scare they told my parent).
her: sam for ur sake i think i better obey my parent.
me: so wat u mean?u wan to break off with me isit?
her: no but i need time to let dem trust me so they cld go back to US and we cld continue our love.
me: ok den we dun see each other for the time being lor
her: ok.i love u bee
me: i love u too baby
her: bye
me: bye

Because of her parent...we din meet for a few weeks time...i wan to see her!my mind everyday is full of her...i cant concentrate with anithing...i need her...n so i went to her hse to find her...once i saw her parent i hide myself...n finally i get to see her one day...

me: y(i shouted)
her: (shocked)why u were here?if let my daddy see how?
me: I miss u n i wan to see u
her: (sigh)but...but...(her phone ring)
her: my mum wan me to go back now...i got to go le...u tak care k?
me: (grab her hand)no u not going aniwhere...
her: sam wat u doing?
me: i so long nv realli tok or get to see u...is this love?
her: why cant u understand?i rather lose u for some time den lose u forever u noe?
me: i dunno i dun think u really love me coz u can dun see me dun find me...
her: sam listen to me
me: NO i dun wan to hear...(run away)
her: SAM!(head down)

I think at that time i should have being understanding but i din i make her cry the whole lotz for my misunderstanding...i m not feeling good too...after which i nv go look for her animore...neither did i called her...i thought our relationship just end like this...but...she appear infront of me all of the sudden...

her: sam
me: (stare at her)wat?
her: are u still angry with me?
me: no i forgot everything including u(i lie)
her: i m sorry...is not tt i dun care...
me: save ur explanation to urself
her: sam i miss u so i m here to look for u...oh ya i got something to tell u...
me: i dun wan to hear
her: (grab my shoulder)look at me!my parents had fly back to america today...n i came immediately for u.
me: u sure?
her: yes
me: ok from now u promise to be by my side and never be like last time ok?
her: ok...i promise

We hugged...in her arms again...her smell...feeling her heartbeat...once again she so close to me...i feel so loved by her...i love everything about her n i noe from den on no one cld replace the place she had in my heart.She is the angel in my life...an angel god from above sent to me to guide my life...looking at her...make my world so perfect.but pain nv seem to end...one day...i was beaten up by ppl...i thought it might be who i offended outside and after which i found out tt is jw who did that...he is jealous of me n her...so he find someone to beat me up n warn me...ask me to leave y...but no over my dead body...i was lucky the wound not tt obvious n my parent din found out...but she did!...i was wearing long sleeve to avoid from letting her noe but when she touched me...i was in pain n i say 'ouch' den she asked...

her: wat happened to u?
me: me wat?i m fine!
her: let me see ur hand
me: (i refused)nothing lar...for wat?
her: (grabbed my hand) just let me tak a look

yar she saw...but i told her i fall down...n din wan her to worry so nv tell her...she believe and even use her gentle touch to help me put some medi on it...her care so tender n true...it got me in tears...loving her is such a wonderful thing to do...at last i lean forward and kissed her cheek...the first time i kiss her...she looked at me(blushed)...and after the eye contact she lean forward to kiss on my lip!yes our very first kiss!At that time how i wish the time cld freeze...let me cuddle her in my arms and kiss her with my heart for as long as it cld last...

jw din give up her...he keep pestering her ask her to accept him...i was angry i punched him on his face and we pick up a fight.After tt he try to get back and so he kidnapped her.After the call...i rush to the place where she is...before i knew it we are at a dark place...no one is there...i regret from not asking any frenz to come along...someone attacked me from behind n there she is...i saw her...being tied up...i shouted...

me: let her go
jw: how dare u punch me?u snatch her away u still dare to be so fierce?
me: I nv snatch her is she dun like u at all
jw: u shut up...if not u she wun be in this way...i m disgusted by u.
me: let her go n i'll do anithing
jw: wat if i refuse?she's going to be mine!
me: wat u want?
jw: i want ur arm!

At this moment his gang grabbed my arm wanted to trash it down...but...she begged with him...asking him not to hurt me...she will do anithing he wan her to...even to be with him...haa...this isn't true...she wun say tt...she say forever she oni belong to me...this time jw released her from rope...

jw: y u sure?u not lying?
her: nope

never did we noe tt jw dun buy it...he said 'but i wan to revenge...she punched right into my face...how cld i let this down'...just when he about to act...y blocked me from harm...but hurt herself...jw immediately stop n ask why?...

jw: r u alrit...i did not do it on purpose...
her: i m fine...let us go pls...
jw: y u realli love her so much?
her: yes i do...even to die for her...i m willing...

After hearing those word...yes...jw let us go...n i help her attend to her back which is badly hurt...red patch is wat i saw...n blue black.my heartach...i told her...

me: Don do this ever again...i m the one who suppose to protect u but now i failed...i m sorry...
her: silly...not ur fault...i m alrit...dun worry k?
me: but...

Before i could even finish my sentance...she kissed me...the love i feel so much inside my heart...no one make me feel the way she make me feel...the love she have for me...i can feel it...so endure n true...i nv wan to let her go...nv wan her to leave my world...but...good thing dun last...we r so in love until yr 1999...

The fatal accident that end our love...

She met with a car accident and that becoz she wanted to save me!I saw her lying on the ground in a pool of blood...i run toward her...i hold her...i told her how much i love her n ask her dun leave me...she smile...i cld still remember how much i feel devastated all awhile tt time...she shoot a warm smile to me n she fainted.She din die...but loses her eye sight...n this took away all our dreamz...the dreamz of her being a lawyer...the dreamz of being together forever...our house...our future baby...our wedding...our promises!...all gone! Her parent demand her to go back to america with dem for treatment and yes for her sake i ask her to go but we din broke off!...She say this b4 she left...

her: sam pls wait for me...once my eyes ok le...i will come back n be with u again...i love u bee!
me: ok i promise to wait n love u forever baby...

Is true until now i din get her out of my mind...i love her...i nv love anione so much but her!1999 nov she leave me...the millinium suppose to celebrate with her but i was alone den...i cry...i cry on tt day in my room...the accident break us apart n now i dun even noe where she is...how she is...wat she doing...n i nv heard frm her ever again...i giv up...not becoz i give up loving her...NO...is just tt i try to accept new love...but no gers mak me feel the way she let me feel...i noe i noe deep inside NO ONE cld replace her in my heart so gers who enter my life after her...suffer alotz for me too becoz i want them to be as perfect as she is...but nv did i realize no one is perfect...she is perfect in my heart coz i love her but not others so when i try to make them as perfect(try to love dem like the way i love her)...i failed...my relationship failed...all my relationship after her all failed!...i guess i noe why...in my heart even till now i m yelling 'y where are u?!'

-End-

Get back in track...i actually spent hours writing this in here...=>
Hao le guess this entry is long enuff...gtg le...knocking off soon...tak care all... may all ur love be blissful! The song...'without u' ONLY for YOU:



*I m still waiting...waiting for miracles...believing in finding u...my baby*